Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drunk is not a location!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
