I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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