his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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