Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
