Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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