I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
