I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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