i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
