Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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