She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
