it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
