Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
