normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
