Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
