Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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