Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
