It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
