she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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