Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
