Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
