I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize