u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
