What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
