For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Enjoy the penises
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
