rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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