at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And then he peed in my hair
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