She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
