exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
