New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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