Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
