I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
