I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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