Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
