Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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