Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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