glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
