Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize