Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
