how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
