i would punch a child for taco bell
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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