I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
