Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
