i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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