Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
