Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
