I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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