What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
