the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
