Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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