At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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