from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
