I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
