Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
