i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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