Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
