Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
