hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
